Steph Gray reflects on her Nest Residency

When I think about the trail of events that led to this amazing opportunity at the Nest, I feel so grateful, and awed by the way the Universe works. After being one of many who lost nearly 2 years’ worth of self-employed work during the pandemic, I was steadily pulling myself out of the flunk, and the wheels were in motion again, though any creative spark or motivation had withered, as it tends to when you’re in survival mode. I’d pretty much abandoned all hopes or aspirations of pursuing my screenwriting. After everything that had happened, it seemed like a Peter Pan-ish dream, and any time I’d try to sit down and work on a project, I felt pangs of anxiety and disheartenment, and hear the voice inside telling me I, ‘ought to be doing something else, something useful, making money!’.

A chance meeting with an old friend who I worked with at an art exhibition in a graveyard, lead me to discovering Talking Birds and the Nesting Residencies. I’ll be honest, I thought it sounded too good to be true, and kept wondering, ‘What’s the catch?’ but alas, I could not find one. It was a little bit like being lost in a desert and seeing an oasis up ahead, but not really trusting your eyes, it’s everything your weary spirit could ever dream of in that moment, but was it real?

On my first day, Monday 11^th July I wrote – “It’s 10:06am, only an hour into my residency and I’m buzzing, it’s already bliss. The tranquil atmosphere of this studio space and the lovely, welcoming, creative staff who showed me around then left me to it straight away, made me feel so at home, and so ridiculously grateful to be here! 😊”

And the high-vibin’ continued! After my first morning working in the Solid Blue studio space I said, “How come I can’t focus that well at home?!” to which, unsurprisingly, Charlie said, “You’re not the only one to say that!” Because when at home, the distractions, guilt, and nagging feeling that I, ‘should be doing something else,’ hinders any creative flow. Whereas this empty, comfortable space nestled in a laid-back, explorative, no-pressure environment, does the opposite! It allowed me to let my mind fall away, as though being in a meditative state, where it feels like I’m receiving ideas instead of forcing them myself, there’s a sense of ease, like what Liz Gilbert talks about in her book, “Big Magic.”

I loved being in charge of my own time and working to my own rhythms, i.e script writing in the mornings when I’m most alert, and researching and editing in the afternoons. As well as taking cheeky Yoga breaks when my body needed some movement! It was a dream.

It was so lovely taking lunch with the other artists, and connecting through relatable stories and feelings, how in the past we’d felt we had always been apologising for ourselves, our choices and unconventional lifestyle when people ask, “So what do you do for a living?” It was a relief knowing I’m not the only one who smiles blankly when someone with a secure corporate job asks for example, ‘What are your pension plans?’.

I’ve always said I wanted to write stories that make people feel less alone, probably because I’ve felt very alone, in my career choices and aspirations especially, and this has caused to me feel a deep sense of self-doubt and mistrust in myself. Talking to the artists at the Nest with all these awesome ideas and projects they’ve worked on, or are creating, has let me know that I am not alone in choosing to carve my way down a difficult, unmarked path. Immensely relating to their wobbles along the way, but hearing their successes, and unwillingness to accept the input from the internal doubter, has inspired me to think maybe I should trust myself too. There are others out here in the misty seas if you shout loud enough, or find refuge on an island such as the Nest.

As for the project I’ve been working on, the TV fantasy series that’s kind of, The 10^th Kingdom meets The Witcher, well, we’ll see. I finished a draft of the pilot and started on episode 2, with research and ideas on how to create a series bible. I’m proud of what I’ve done, but there’s a lot more work to do to create a decent pitch. Even if nothing happens with it, that’s okay.

Before coming to the Nesting Residency, I was feeling unenthused, like I’d run out of steam, and was disconnected to myself and things I was previously excited about. They say burnout is less about doing too much in general, but more about doing too little of the things that GIVE you energy, inspiration, and fulfilment. For the past couple months, I’d neglected working on projects that were important to me, because I thought there was no point, and man did I notice the negative effects.

Spending two weeks at the Nest has been like pushing the re-set button. I re-introduced myself to that familiar drive inside me that always wanted to create, that joy that awakens when I’m in the flow state, which the Nest has been a fountain of. I proved to myself that I can sit down and do it, despite what the procrastination fairies whisper, and when I do, I feel satisfaction like no other. For all this I am eternally grateful to Talking Birds and the Nest, to this dreamy place of magic and space. 😊