Cait Buckley reflects on her Hatching Residency

Before I began my nest residency I had been in the biggest creative rut I had encountered since I began making art. I had all of these ideas, yet didn’t have the drive to explore them. Something about keeping them in my mind and not putting them out into the world felt like the safest bet for me. The space and time given to me through my nest residency allowed me to really dive into what was blocking my creativity, and why I felt it was better to keep my ideas in my thoughts rather than out in the world.

My assumption was that by using my residency to explore the connection between mental health and art I would give myself some answers as to why I felt so stunted in my creativity or find some research or exercises used in overcoming this kind of block…Things did not go that way at all!  However, through looking inward and asking myself the right questions I found that I was really afraid of putting myself out there. It felt as though there was danger in being so exposed. This fear was something I encountered over and over again whilst at my residency and therefore something I had to overcome many times. It was really tough!

I was anxious that I had been given this fantastic opportunity – that had felt so hard to accept, and I was squandering it because my circumstances weren’t perfectly aligned. With the support of the Talking Birds team, I managed to trust in myself, trust in the experience and re-frame my thought process. I had discovered a radical acceptance of where I was at, which felt incredibly risky, but it became my lifeline to the creative process. 

Rather than putting so much pressure on myself and using the results of my residency as proof of my worth as an artist I started to think about the bigger picture. Why did I start drawing and painting in the first place? Because it brought me joy, it made me happy! What if I see this as another step in my exploration of art? What if I look back at this moment from some future point and think I’m really glad I took that opportunity. That was the moment all this stemmed from, look where I am now!  I didn’t know it then, but these thoughts were the beginning of a transformation that kept me from worrying if I deserved this opportunity or not – I started to let go of perfectionism and preconceived ideas of what I should be doing.

I feel really lucky to have had this breakthrough whilst at my residency. I had some really important conversations with the Talking Birds team and had finally found a way to dedicate some time to getting those ideas out of my mind and onto paper. I found time in between those moments to connect to the joy and the meaning that creating gives my life by exploring in a playful way; Something I had been unable to do for such a long time.

Here are some things I have learned during my nest residency:

• As an artist you must allow yourself periods of fruitlessness, imperfection and procrastination. These moments are what lead you back to invention, imagination and inspiration, this is all part of the natural creative cycle.

• Pressure is anti-creative, creativity takes time and energy to discover and develop.

• Have grace when experiencing failure – the thrill you get from creating something you like makes all the rubbish that came before worth it!